20 Hard Truths About Healing
Are you completely sick and tired, frustrated with yourself and others, overwhelmed by the noise of the people around you trying to “sell” you healing - in all its forms and iterations? Have you been disappointed by false promises made by healers who said they could cure you of this ailment or that karmic pattern? Or are you just exhausted from all those rabbit holes you continuously go down, hoping that this one will be the one - the right one? The one that will solve all of your problems. The one that will make you whole again or at least healed. You are over it and need help.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I am here to save you some trouble, money, heartache, soulache, and, most importantly, time—our most limited, non-fungible resource.
You feel like a dog chasing its tail, never able to just get “it,” whatever it is. It seems like you need some help. Here are my truths about healing. You may not like some of these, but they are my truth as I see them—keywords here. You don’t need to see things how I do. I am not here to win the belief popularity contest. I wish someone were around to tell me these truths when I first ventured off on my spiritual path.
If I am being 100% honest, some of these truths were shared with me, but my arrogance and ego had me believing that rules don’t apply to me. I was the exception to all things, and for the most part, I am the exception to many things. But I am not the exception to all things. Here’s my attempt to give the truth as I see it. Hopefully, you will find solace and peace in these truths, and they may get you out of the latest rabbit hole you find yourself in.
You are not broken or too damaged. Though I was trained as a Western psychotherapist, I do not subscribe to the model of brokenness, which is ingrained in Western medicine, psychology, and some healing modalities. I chose to see humans as whole and holy. I also see human beings outside the mortal coil's confines—as divine spirits. When you hold this perspective, you are released from the compulsion to fix others, including yourself. You also see the sovereignty and agency that human beings possess. No one is too damaged or broken. If you would like to be released from this construct, let it go. You do not need to hold onto this programming.
It’s too late for you. Similarly to not being broken, all beings can find healing no matter what stage they are in their incarnation. Healing is available all the way up until you take your final breath. Weeks leading up to the end of life are actually fertile grounds for healing. In the quantum field, the concept of time differs from what it is in our current consensus reality. One can bend time, collapse it, or stretch it out. These concepts are meant for another blog post entirely. So it is never too late to heal. You are right on time. Thank you for doing your work no matter what your biological age is.
You are your own healer. No one can heal you or do this work for you. If any healer tells you that they can heal long-term psychological, spiritual, physical, or mental concerns with the snap of their fingers, it is scary and dangerous. There are faith healers out there who heal people’s physical ailments, just as Jesus was said to do, but I am not referring to that. You are the author of your story. Healers can help, but you have the power to heal at the end of the day. It is up to you to change your patterns of behaving and thinking and your actions. You are the author of your life - the architect of your being-ness. Again, skilled healers can give you the keys to open the door, but it is up to you to put the key into the lock and walk in the door.
True healing is not linear. Just like grief, there is not a natural progression when it comes to healing. You may return to old patterns and ways of thinking from time to time. There will be times when you aren’t making any progress, and then something shifts very quickly. It will look like you’ve ruined your healing journey or are not doing anything. You have not “ruined” your healing because you weren’t perfect at it. I wish we could plot out healing on a spreadsheet, but that is not how it works.
You will not be perfect at healing. I will even go as far as to say you won’t be perfect at almost everything, consistently and sustainably. Perfection is an illusion used to sell diet pills, beauty products, and overpriced coaching programs. Release the notion that you can be perfect at healing. I wouldn’t even know what perfect healing looks like if you showed it to me. Please do not judge yourself about how perfect you believe you think you are working your healing.
Healing is multidimensional and multilayered. You are a multidimensional being with many facets, and so is your healing. At times, things that seem unrelated are completely intertwined. Looking at what activates your emotions can be a clue. Because healing is layered, moving through those layers takes time. I encourage you not to rush through things, especially if they are challenging. You may miss critical lessons and need to repeat them because you’ve rushed through an uncomfortable healing stage. I say this from my personal experience.
You will never be “done” with healing. There’s no finish line because this isn’t a race. As a modern person, the day will not come when you wake up and say, “I am healed from everything I have ever gone through in this life.” Perhaps some monastics who live in caves can say this, but they are the exception. You can certainly get to a place where the emotional or psychological charge you feel from a trigger is decreased significantly or no longer there entirely. The pain can be so distant that you may even forget it exists. It’s a magical place to be, but that takes work and time. But you’ll never come to a place where you are all completely healed - 100% from everything.
Healing is not a singular event. No singular plant medicine ceremony, retreat, or healing session can completely heal you of all you. That’s putting far too much pressure on that event and yourself. I have experienced epic healing in all the events I mentioned. I have been able to quantum leap ten years into the future, heal things that I thought I could never heal in my lifetime. But the jungle is not compromised of a single cacao tree. One event, even very potent events, can not single-handedly heal all of you.
Healing is work. It can be joyful and pleasurable, but it also requires time, energy, attention, and intention to be effective. You can use the word - work. You can use the word - play. The point is, it’s a verb and action is involved. If you can find contentment in this work and do it in a happy state, that is a level of healing. I recently discovered this, and it has been life-changing and highly recommended.
There is no one-size-fits-all healing modality. What works for your cousin’s brother’s ex-girlfriend will not work for you. Just like with diet and exercise plans, there is nuance in crafting what would work for you. We are all unique and though our traumas can have similar themes and effects, how an individual engages with that trauma will look different.
Stop comparing yourself to others. I beg you. Please stop comparing yourself and your healing journey to others. Comparison is not only the thief of joy but will also effectively will stall any progress you are making. Again, stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is toxic and our culture sells it to us with social media and celebrities. On this one, I urge you to get out of the comparison trap.
Trial and error are part of the process. The time you spend trying this is well-spent because you can learn valuable lessons. You may think you have reached a dead end, which may be true for you within the arc of that particular part of your journey. It does not mean your time was wasted. Now you know what does not work for you. It’s all valuable information. Everything has a purpose.
We all have healing to do. The last time I checked, none of us are ascendant masters because we would not be incarnate as human beings if we were. The vibration of ascendant masters is much higher than what is available in our consensus 3D world. Any true teacher or healer whom you admire will tell you that they, too, still have healing to do. I most definitely have healing to do.
Heal for yourself. Putting time into healing for someone to love or accept you is a recipe for disaster. If you are doing this for someone else, it won’t be sustainable or lasting. Healing is an internal job with internal and external outcomes. Deriving motivation to heal from the external sets up a dangerous precedent that you may want to avoid. Ultimatums from others do not work long-term. If you are someone who tells people to heal or else you’ll leave, I suggest you stop using that tactic.
You need to celebrate yourself. Didn’t start an argument when you heard your mother-in-law say something rude and insensitive to your spouse? Held up your boundary with your boss? Followed through with a commitment to yourself? All worthy of celebrations. Congratulations on your progress.
No one will care about your healing as much as you do. And that’s all well and good. For the most part, you won’t receive recognition from others for your work, and that’s ok. This is a part of being intrinsically motivated. If you are looking for validation from the external world, you’ll always be at a deficit. You need to care that you are healing - not anyone else.
Being a part of a like-minded community is vital. It can feel lonely sometimes. Having others in your world know what you are doing is immensely helpful. Never underestimate the power of camaraderie. There are so many options in today’s world. You can create something virtually no matter where you live. Find your people, people!
You will lose old relationships and gain new ones. That friend you’ve had since first grade may not be happy with the changes. They most likely are very invested in the old version of you they have come to rely on. Accept and love them. Wish them the best. Be on your way. I found this when I stopped consuming alcohol five years ago. My drinking buddies were not happy because they felt the “fun” me was gone. In reality, it was the drunk version of me that was gone. Losing friends is painful but living someone else’s life is far more painful.
Expect to see positive changes in other areas of your life. Once you are on the healing journey, you will notice other areas of your life transform. My relationship with money improves when honoring my body with healthy food, movement, and quality sleep. It blows me away every time I witness it. When one thing changes, everything changes.
Healing is a choice. You don’t have to do anything in this world. Healing is no different. You get to decide if healing is what you want to do. Though I know some pretty tough families out there, healing is ultimately your choice and yours alone. No one can force you no matter how well-intentioned they are. Ultimately, it’s up to you.
My prayer and hope is that you find some stability and understanding with these truths about healing.
I would like to extend an invitation of grace to you. Believe that grace is available for you. Receive that grace with open arms. Goodness is available for you always. The light is available to you at all times. There is so much love in the universe available to be tapped into. It’s just sitting right there, waiting for you.
Many blessings on your healing journey, dear friend.