Healer or Harm? The 7 Red Flags Your Healer is Dangerous
Ripped from the pages of my own experiences, the insights shared here alert the dangers lurking within the healing community. This list, while not exhaustive, outlines the critical indicators of a practitioner not just failing to support your healing journey but posing a real threat. The term 'dangerous' is not used lightly here.
The spiritual realm demands our utmost respect and caution. It's a domain where light and dark forces intermingle, requiring discernment and integrity from those who navigate its depths. Unfortunately, the healing community is not immune to deception. There are individuals who, fully aware of their alignment with darker forces, masquerade as beings of light. Conversely, some believe they serve the light but unwittingly channel darker energies due to inadequate knowledge or experience. The path to becoming a conscious healer is long and arduous, challenging our culture's craving for instant gratification. The misconception that a weekend workshop and minimal practice suffice for proficiency is perilous. While I have reservations about the term "healer," it remains the most accessible descriptor for this profound and complex role. I will talk about the role of the healer and what healing is in another post, but for now, my goal is to protect people, so here are the seven red flags.
Red Flag 1: You Fear Them
One of my close friends had a healer she had worked with for years. There was some boundary-crossing in their relationship. This friend of mine had gotten all my other healer friends to go to her with mixed results. My intuition told me to stay away from this healer, so I never personally had a session with her. One day, my friend came to me anxious and worried. After some prodding, she shares that she wants to cut ties with this healer but is scared of what she’ll do to her. She was worried that the healer would try to retaliate against her energetically. Believe what you want, but curses, hexes, and spells. They are real. My friend asks me, “Do you think she’d put something(a curse) on me?” Sadly, my answer was yes. I believed this healer would retaliate if my friend cut ties, and this healer had the power to retaliate energetically.
Moral of the story: This is complex. If you are in a situation where you fear your healer, it’s time for you to run, not walk away from them. Find someone who can help clear and cut ties with this person energetically and learn practices to protect yourself energetically. You cannot receive healing work from someone you fear. Before you reach that point, ensure you have clear and clean boundaries with your healer. Be mindful of the language the healer uses and their behavior with others.
Red Flag 2: They Steal
And I don’t mean they are pickpockets, but I am sure that happens too. They steal other people’s written work, healing modalities, and all manner and forms of intellectual property. They give no credit to where or whom their teachings come from and get very defensive when asked about the roots of their healing modalities. This happens more often than I would like to admit. There is a healer still working who has stolen most, if not all, of her teachings from others - almost word for word. Multiple people in my circle used to put her on a pedestal as this wise teacher, but she lacks creativity and feels the need to regurgitate her teachings, which are plagiarized by others. She is also incredibly ego-driven, which we will get to further down on this list.
Moral of the story: If someone’s teachings sound eerily familiar, like you’ve heard that quote attributed to someone else, yet this person is claiming it’s theirs. It is time to investigate. Look into the person’s social posts and website. This is harder to spot with the rise of AI, but it’s worth doing your homework. Just recently, popular spiritual leader Jay Shetty was unveiled as a phony. He was called out for his plagiarism(finally) and his backstory of being a monk.
Red Flag 3: Promises, Promises (and not the 80’s song by Naked Eyes)
They make bold claims about curing incurable diseases or guaranteeing instant results without any evidence to support their assertions. Look, I am not looking for scholarly articles on how Reiki can cure stage 4 cancer, but if you tell me that you can “cure” someone with a terminal disease with your magic colloidal silver and a sound bath(Love Has Won), then I call shenanigans. Healing is a process, and though shifts can take place in the quantum and be very fast, issues that you’ve had for forty years will likely not be healed within the span of a single sixty-minute session. If I am wrong, please feel free to reach out directly to me with your experiences. To be crystal clear, miracles happen daily. I leave space for miracles because I have experienced them. My miracle experiences have taken years of work to arrive at. Authentic healers understand that healing is gradual and cannot always promise instantaneous miraculous outcomes. When I went to one of my dear teachers, who I admire and respect, to have some work done around my father’s death, my teacher said after our session, “You know this is going to take time to heal.” She wasn’t asking me a question. It was a statement of fact.
Moral of the story: If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Be especially cautious of anyone who says that they can cast spells on specific people so that they fall in love with you or propose to you. You cannot infringe on someone else’s free will choice. People who say they can get you a specific partner or tell you that they can set a curse on someone for you, please stay far, far away from them. There are severe repercussions to this type of work, and I feel you do not want to experience the consequences of such work. There are better, more effective, and energetically clean ways of getting what you want. If you have an illness, look for someone with a holistic approach that doesn’t promise the sun, moon, and stars.
Red Flag 4: Egomania
Along with writing checks that people’s butts can’t cash in any dimension is the belief that this one healer is the only healer on planet Earth that can help you. Out of 7.8 billion people on the planet, you have found the chosen one who has the ability to heal others in a way that no other being on this planet can. Now, they don’t usually come out and say this, but many will imply and allude to it in one-on-one conversations. I do not pathologize people, so you won’t hear me calling people I do not know narcissists. What I will say is that there are many healers out there who are working with some narcissistic personality dynamics. Many of these healers overshare how amazing they are and great their lives are. And after the oversharing comes the overexposing.
Do I need to see my healer in a thong bikini, twerking while eating a strawberry seductively pop up on Instagram(true story)? Probably not. I have seen healers of all genders do this. I roll my eyes, and I immediately discredit them. Some people will argue that when someone sexualizes and objectifies themselves on social media, it is a sign of liberation. I would argue that it is a sign of desperation. Leave the half-naked twerking to your Only Fans.
Moral of the story: If your healer, or someone you are considering going to for healing, is posting thirst traps on social media, perhaps what you are buying is not what they are selling. Ask yourself what attracts you to this healer. Is it the way they look, or if they can help you? Do you want to date them or be their friend, or do you want them to work with you? Being physically attracted to a healer or wanting to be their friend is fine. Ask yourself, could my attraction potentially hinder my healing?
Red Flag 5: The 2 Gs: Greed & Guilt
If I haven’t hit you over the head with this enough, I am Greek, so I know guilt intimately. We would have probably turned it into one of our Olympic sports if we could. Healer who employs guilt and manipulation tactics to keep you coming back for more sessions or to persuade you to purchase their over-priced products is a huge red flag. Every time you see them, they seem to launch a life-changing course that you must sign up for, and you will more than likely need to take out a second mortgage on your house to afford it. They are constantly hawking something new that is the must-have thing if you are “serious” about your healing.
True healers respect your autonomy and empower your independence. I have experienced a healer’s behavior bordering on stalking. There was a healer who tried to tell me that I was not developed enough as a soul to attend his over-priced retreat in Egypt($17K) and that I could get to his level. Still, it would require several of his retreats in Bali($10K per retreat) before I would be energetically “appropriate” for his Egypt trip. I could feel him trying to get into my energetic field and tap into me. I blocked him at every turn. Apparently, I was developed enough to block his shady self.
Moral of the story: If your healer sounds like a used car salesman, it’s time to walk off the lot. If you find yourself constantly pitched a new program, product, or service your healer is selling, you need to either call it out or look for someone else to see. Here’s how you can broach the topic; “It seems that every time I come to you, you try to sell me something new that you created. <Insert your examples here> You say that I am not serious if I don’t go to your retreat. Can we talk about it?” I’ve said this before: how they react will give you more information than the content of their response. See if they become defensive or double down on the guilt. Sadly, there are some greedy healers out there hoping to capitalize on the vulnerable.
Red Flag 6: Boundaries, People!
They consistently go over the session time that they’ve allotted; they are constantly late to see you, or they share too many personal details about their life with you. When someone is continually late, it tells me they do not value my time or energy. When someone consistently gives you extra healing time, this tells me one of two things. Either they are insecure that their gifts are enough, so they compensate by giving you more time, or they are not focused on their work in the present. As an experienced healer, you should be able to manage your time. You may think that it is good that you are getting more from the healer if they go over, but you are getting a tired or unfocused healer. Many healers will create dual relationships with their clients, a slippery slope where many boundaries tend to get crossed. I’ve had healers ask me deeply personal questions I did not want to answer, yet I was pressed. Healers have physically touched me in ways that made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, yet I said nothing at the moment because I was frozen. I hope that by giving you this information, you will not have to go through what I did.
Moral of the story: If your emotional or physical boundaries are crossed, you must be clear and let the healer know as quickly as possible. Depending on the situation, you may not want to see them again. There may be legal repercussions depending on what occurred. In most cases, these boundary crossings are more aligned with co-dependent healers, where the healer makes you feel special and that you need to take care of them. There are too many types of boundary violations to innumerate in this post. If you are physically assaulted, go to the police. Period. Do not worry about hurting your healer’s feelings or what they will think about you. Abuse is abuse. To avoid the drama, keep your boundaries clear and uphold them.
Red Flag 7: You Are Worse Off Than When You Started
This takes time and consistency to spot. Like in psychotherapy and regaining physical fitness, you feel worse before you feel better. Detoxing is real, and a die-off of old patterning is not comfortable. I am referring to the lack of long-term forward momentum. There are a few things at play here.
First, the healer may be energetically skimming or siphoning off your energy because they are weak. Think of this as spiritual vampirism. It’s a way to keep you dependent on them. It is also intertwined with jealousy and envy - the most destructive forces on earth (IMHO). This is dangerous and has long-term effects on you. Second, the healer may be ineffective within their modality. Not all doctors are skilled and talented doctors. It does not make them bad people. This tends to happen with healers who are very new, have not received proper training, and likely do not have mentors. Everyone needs elders and mentors to keep them on the right track. Again, these people aren’t bad humans, but they still can cause damage. Third, you subconsciously resist the work, and/or you undo everything the healer does once your session ends. It’s like seeing your trainer three days a week, but the rest of your week, you are glued to the couch eating fried Oreos and wondering why you are not in shape.
Moral of the story: As I said before, time will be your guide on this one. If your inexperienced healer is not helping you, please look for someone with more experience who can help you. If you feel consistently drained or odd after sessions with a particular healer, it may be time to step away from them. Please do not confront them and tell them you suspect they are energy vampires. If they are, you will be compounding the problem. It’s time to slowly back away from these individuals gracefully. If the problem is you… Well, it is time to do some soul-searching and ask yourself what the core issues are and how invested you are in keeping things the same. Are you going through the motions of seeing healers because that is what you are “supposed” to do, or do you genuinely want to change?
In the healing landscape, the journey toward wellness is paved with light and shadow. The red flags shared, drawn from the well of personal encounters and close observations, illuminate the darker corners where danger may dwell. As we part ways with this post, let us carry forward the beacon of vigilance and the shield of discernment. The path of true healing demands not only our openness but also our wisdom to see beyond facades and to question the too-good-to-be-true.
This is not a deterrent from seeking healing but a guide to navigating the healing realm with eyes wide open. Remember, authentic healing is a collaborative journey that honors your autonomy, respects your boundaries, and fosters growth without fear or dependency. Tread with care, embrace those who genuinely walk in the light and integrity, and always follow your intuition.